im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
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