dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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