We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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