I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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