Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just invented taco cereal.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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