Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Randomize
