I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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