I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
