ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
