HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it