what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
