I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
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Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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