I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
