that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
