when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
