just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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