just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We were destined to go to rehab together
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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