i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
