In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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