Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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