Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
