Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
