Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
