You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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