it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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