Three words: puerto rican gang bang
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
