So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
