if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
