You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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