I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Oh god it's open bar.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
