this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
