where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
