I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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