DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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