She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
