i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
