Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
please come you make the beer taste better
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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