I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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