Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
