I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
