we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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