I'm so fucking centered right now
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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