I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
