If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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