you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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