Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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