i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
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