some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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