Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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