I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you never un-have a 4some
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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