nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
