Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
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Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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