dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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