oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
